The Written Word In love with Satan by captain vyvyan

6-24-99

In love with Satan
by captain vyvyan

one would have thought that something would have clicked when he had told her that his name was "satan." but no… at the time she had thought that it was an exotic name, something spanish maybe. the next thing, which maybe should have given her a clue, was the constant appearance of smoke and flame around in the general vacinity of himself. usually, she found that when the neighbours came to tea they often ended fleeing the house screaming… usually this was after a mild case of spontaneous combustion or occasionally an encounter with a garbage disposal unit. people often asked her why she was married to a red midget with hooves who was called Satan, and she said that it was because she loved him… their love was such that at nights they would sit in front of an open fireplace and he would make marshmallows spontaneously combust whilst gazing deeply into her eyes. she would say that he was a real romantic, whenever she was having a hard time in life he would offer to massacre a couple of people, usually at sunset over glasses of champagne.

it was at the "tropical funfilled island relaxation and total body massage whilst playing trivial pursuit," escape that they went on, that she began to realise who he in fact was. "it was a lovely evening" she said, wiping away a random tear, "we had just eaten dinner; he had half a raw cow and i had the cream of celery soup." she smiled slightly, "he always did like some good red meat. but anyway we were playing some stupid game which involved acting out what was written on a piece of green card, you know, so that people could guess what it was…" *cut to an image of a plane crashing*

"anyway, we were all having trouble guessing what this guy, phil, was supposed to be acting out… so satums gets up and yells 'what in the name of great buggery are you doing!!'… and well, phil got this smug look on his face…" she paused and took a sip of her tea, " he said, 'i am being the lord of the universe' well at this point satums started to glow… and said 'ahh… the devil… PRETTY SHODDY JOB OF IT!!!' well everyone got kind of scared, because the carpet around his feet was starting to burn… then phil said ' no i was being god' and well, for some reason i thought that satan was a christian at that point in time, so i said 'another christian like you satums sweety' and well he went off! he was yelling and burning things and just kept on saying 'i am the devil! i am the devil! burn for eternity' then suddenly it clicked that i was married to the devil! and well this was a bit of a shock, but i guess i haven't seen him since. sad really…"

maybe if she had known better, maybe if she had realised that she was married to the devil himself she would have saved a lot of furniture from randomly exploading… but alas… such is life. from this we can be aware that you may in fact be married to the devil without actually knowing it. be careful.